Find the untapped potential of flirting

There’s often a lot of stigma around flirting but I want to show you an alternative way of looking at it. This is NOT a “10 Surprising reasons why flirting is good for you!” but rather a quick overview of a healthier way to look at flirting. A look at how flirting might actually be a really kind and comforting activity for both parties involved.

The premise (kind of): Most of us aren’t who they want to be. Sometimes all we need is a bit of encouragement and a bit of flirting can go a long way.

I always found flirting to be one of the most interesting (and fun) things out there. Maybe I am only trying to justify my actions but there is some real value in thinking about flirting differently.

Firstly we allow them to dream, act and play a part in their own fairy tale. By being a great flirter we give them a safe space to be. While flirting they can be whoever they want to be. That’s a kind of freedom that we often don’t have with our family or friends as they have known us for too long. It might be hard to try new things if all your friends are stuck with an old perception of you.

We can let them be dreamers and sometimes that’s all the motivation they need to pursue these dreams and characters they are playing. We can encourage them in fields their friends sometimes sadly won’t. It is easy for us because we don’t really know how mediocre they are at painting or how much they procrastinate with their writing. We only see their facade and have the ability to be idealistic. In a way we can choose to be hopeful (or naive) enough to believe in their best sides to encourage them to be more like that. It is like that study where if teachers’ expected kids to do well and then they did, but where they expected the kids to be failures the kids showed worse results. Our friends might be too realistic sometimes.

The other thing that flirting does is that it makes the other person feel wanted and accepted. Quite obvious but rarely used for comforting people around you. In good flirting there is a message hidden in it that promises the other party that they are worthy of sex. We won’t actually have sex with them, but we can give them a taste of the acceptance that comes from having sex with someone. They don’t even have to face their insecurities because again we don’t even have to have sex. They can feel accepted even without overcoming their anxieties with their bodies or sex life.

“Good flirting is in essence an attempt, driven by kindness and imaginative excitement, to inspire another person to believe more firmly in their own likability, psychological as much as physical.” -The School of Life.

This is not a quick fix to anything. This cannot solely help you (or them) overcome anxieties. However I believe if both parties understood this warm and subtle part of flirting, we could see it’s beauty and the kindness behind it. The beauty of strangers appreciating and encouraging each other to love oneself more.

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The main idea here was based on a 2016 essay from The School of Life. (https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/why-flirting-matters/)
So if you have the time you can read it too. Mine was just a quick reflection on their ideas.